Amy Koch, Military Widow
When I was in junior high, I hung out a lot with more the younger crowd, my sister’s age kids. There was this one boy, Steve, who was quite the wise guy…sarcastic and on the verge of mean to most people…the bad boy. And of course I had an instant attraction. It wasn’t until I was about 22 years old when we started dating. The beginning of our relationship was anything but stable. We fought, we broke up, we made up, and we fought again. After almost a year we broke up for what I thought was for good. But fate didn’t keep us apart for long. Two months later, we were back together. In those two months we were apart, Steve had enlisted in the Army. The first week of March 2006, he left for basic training in Georgia. By the end of that same March, I finally got to speak to him on the phone, and this is when I broke the news to him that we were going to have a baby…due in November. At first he didn’t know how to feel about this surprise news, considering the girl he was with in the two months we were separated, was also pregnant (but didn’t know if Steve was the father or not yet). Steve was in Georgia and North Carolina (82nd Airborne) for the whole pregnancy. It was Thanksgiving weekend that I planned to be induced. Steve got permission to come home for the birth of our daughter. Zoe was born on black Friday 2006 with her Daddy there. He couldn’t stay long though and was gone and back in NC by Sunday morning. I was living with my in-laws at the time…they still liked me at this point…long story. Steve came back home the following weekend, probably not with permission. And he spent the week in Jersey with me and Zoe. Christmas weekend Steve and I were married at my town’s courthouse. After the week was done, Zoe and I went back to NC with him and spent the week down there and he drove us back to Jersey and spent his last weekend with us before we dropped him off at the airport for what would be the last time we saw him before he deployed January 19, 2007. I wrote a letter a day telling Steve how Zoe was doing and how big she was getting…sending him pictures of her every milestone and moments in between. We hardly got to talk on the phone, which made the days and nights endless. It was early afternoon May 26, 2006 when I hadn’t heard from him in a few days, making me super nervous. I was in my room with Zoe when I heard the door open and my nephew yell “Uncle Steve’s here!!!!” He completely surprised me! As we both turned the corner and our eyes met, it was like falling in love all over again. I’ll never forget that moment. He was home for about two weeks, Zoe was about 7 months. He got to give her bottles and feed her baby cereal and baby food. It meant the world to the both of us to see him with his daughter. The way his eyes lit up around her, or even just talking about her, were priceless. Zoe was the best thing to ever happen to us. June 11 we drove him to the airport…his leave was over. I was a hysterical mess when this little Spanish woman came over to me (Steve was holding Zoe) and said, “Don’t worry mama, he has to come back, he’s got two beautiful young ladies to come home to.” Steve told Zoe, “You be a good girl for mommy, and I’ll be back soon.” After lots of hugs and kisses, and a walk that felt like a lifetime, he was gone. That was the last time I’d ever see the love of my life alive. It was May 3 at around 9pm when my father in law called me. He said “hey what are u doing?” I replied, “Nothing really, just got Zoe in bed.” He asked if I could come outside real quick. I said ok, confused, with a million ideas going through my head. I thought “this could be really good, Steve could be surprising me again (being he was due home in April, and it was March), oooor it could be really bad. With my heart nearly pounding out of my chest, I walked outside only to see my father in law crying and two men in dress uniform standing on my porch. My heart sunk lower than low and I broke down as they started reciting their “It’s with our deepest sympathy we regret to inform you……yadda yadda yadda” Words that will forever be imprinted in my brain for life. I remember them saying “vbed…vehicle born explosive device” and I civilian clarified it as a “car bomb” and they said “yes.” I refused to believe them, yet I knew I had to. I ran inside and told my mom and she was in disbelief as well. I told her I was going to my in-laws’ house. She asked if I was bringing Zoe. I remember telling her that I couldn’t bear to look at Zoe (she looked JUST like Steve and it hurt). After being at my in-laws’ house for about 20 minutes, I called my mom and asked her to bring Zoe over, I realized that I needed Zoe there, and so did everyone else. It was days before I slept. It’s amazing how fast your life can go from close to perfect, to destroyed in seconds. Steve changed my life forever. He made me stronger, wiser and he gave me the most important person in my life, my daughter. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that Zoe knows what a hero her daddy is, who he was, and how much he loved us. I will honor him and his name for as long as I live. I’m strong, I’m independent and I’m proud. My name is Amy Koch, and I’m a military widow and mother of a gold star daughter.
